Thursday, December 9, 2010

If only Heaven had a mailbox

If Heaven had a mailbox I would write you letters everyday and I would seal each letter with a kiss. I would tell the mailman to handle each letter with care as they are for a special Angel. But because Heaven does not have a mailbox I'll write your letter here.

To my dear baby boy,
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of you. Just last night at our Bereavement Meeting your Dad and I were asked how we are handling the holidays and how we are handling what would have been your due date. Surprisingly we pulled through Thanksgiving. I strongly believe we wrapped ourselves in the holiday chaos that we really didn't have time to feel pain. Was that wrong? Once our families left and our home was quiet again I quickly felt the pain deep in my heart again. I thought about whether or not you would have enjoyed the turkey dinner and if you would have given my belly a little kick to tell me so. I wonder if my Aunt would finally have been able to feel you kick or if I could have used my belly has a table. By Thanksgiving you would have been 32 weeks. It was hard to be thankful this Thanksgiving. You captured my heart the moment I saw you and my heart broke the moment God took you Home. Thankful, the anger inside of me said for what I don't have my baby. Then I remembered it's all a part of God's plan. I am thankful God provided a Home for you in Heaven. Heaven - how beautiful, such perfection surrounds you; you are perfection!

As the weeks get closer to your due date I feel my body ache more and more. I think Christmas will be hard, very hard this year. I know our families would have spoiled you with presents just knowing that after Christmas you would have only been two weeks away from making your much anticipated entrance into this world. But instead your first Christmas will be in Heaven.  If only you could know just how much you were loved already. Maybe you can ask God to give us extra care on Christmas as we will be surrounded by family who already have there own children. I know watching them with there children will only remind me what could have been.

I hope you know that Jan 12, 2011 was what me and your Dad were looking forward to more than anything. We looked forward to what was suppose to be the beginning of our family, the start of our hopes and dreams for you, and a life of new beginnings. But now that your beginning has already come to an end I can only hope you are enjoying Heaven. I can't wait until I can hold you again.

I love you so very much. Muah.
Love Mommy

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